Scattered thoughts, what's on my heart.

thought part 1-I have been challenged to the core in my bible study I'm doing, Beth Moore- Believing God. So much about faith, actually believing God, not just believing IN God...follow? There is a BIG difference. I'm learning the importance of knowing the concepts and truths of the word in the context of the WHOLE Bible. I have tended to be more of a new testament reader in my adult life, thinking that it was more applicable to my life. I grew up knowing and learning the old testament stories, and I kind of thought that was it, I knew the stories. I thought I pretty much knew what the Old testament contained, or at least what I needed to know. I have been awakened to the fact that the promises of the "new covenant" that came with Jesus in the New Testament are SO MUCH RICHER if you really get the old testament significance. They totally go hand in hand. I really love Beth Moore's passion for teaching truth and equipping women to be Bible literate. I find myself repeatedly thinking, "Lord, give me that passion for your Word!" I find myself craving it more, wishing I had more time to read the Bible. I am learning that it's MY job, as a believer, to take what I'm being taught from various teachers (pastors, bible teachers, etc) and check what "truths" are being taught against scripture. It's alot to think about, but it also gets me really excited.

Thoughts part 2-
I often feel completely inadequate to be leading the MOM's ministry at our church. Seriously, "leadership" as a quality has never ever shown up on the radar of any personality or spiritual gifts test I have ever taken. Shepherd, Yes. Leader, No. I feel like my flaws are constantly revealed. It's challenging for me to be on the strategizing end of the big picture of ministry. I am much better at "Eryn, here's what I want you to do..." I can carry that out, no problem. I enjoy it, I'm good at it. This "director" business is a whole new ball game.

At the same time, God is teaching me so much about listening to Him. That HE is glorified when I am weak. His strengths shine, where mine do not (and really, when mine do also). I am so much more dependant on Him to show up, because I often am unsure of what to do next. Beth Moore said something that really resonated with me in the video this week..."Lord, do you know that you are risking your reputation by asking me to do this?" Holy cow, that is true of me.

I have been feeling a clear sense from the Lord, that He has so much more for us, as young moms, than just surviving this season of life with our faith intact. I really believe He is calling us, beckoning us closer to Him. To not just try this recipe for Godly discipline for our children, or that method of parenting, or such and such about preschool. Those are all good, even great things. But alone, they are not enough to make me a good mom or wife. I MUST be connected to the Lord. I have confessed to the Lord and a few friends (and now all of blogland cyberspace) that I have coasted spiritually, since September 9, 2004. (The day Hayden was born). I have been blessed to have a long relationship with the Lord, lots of history. We go way back. I have often, in the last 4 and a half years wondered, "Lord, when will it be like it was before? When I could sit for 3o minutes to an hour with you, uninterrupted?" I have recently realized, that the Lord does not WANT to go back to that with me. I was not a mom then. He wants a full and rich relationship with me NOW. He wants to love me into a new place with Him. He has plans for my future not to take be back in time to where we used to be.

Ok, that was a little bit of a rabbit trail. The point is, I think that God longs for our attention NOW. The "tools" our ministry has been offering to moms in our church/community are good. Nice. Useful. Even Godly. But that is absolutely not all He has for us. He wants more than survival, He wants us to grow. He doesn't want us to coast through our journey of motherhood. I am thinking of a bike race. Motherhood is a giant hill. Can you really coast up a giant hill? No. I think He longs to give us the steam to power up the hill. I don't yet know what God wants to do. Don't know what things will change, or how they will look. I think when we've tried to estimate what the needs of moms are, we have looked pretty close to the surface. We DO need tools to discipline our kids or deal with attitudes. We do need friendship and mentors. I just am feeling like those things will go so much farther with a stronger relationship with the One who made us for mothering.

Lord, please, give me passion for you above everything else. Bless me with vision and insight into your agenda for the women I am so blessed to serve and serve with. Give me wisdom, give me boldness, give me an ounce of Leadership ability. Do it all to your Glory.