I don't always do that well. At first I do, or at least I say I do. When he calls us to something, I get excited and brave feeling. I get on board, thoughts of, "Sure, God, I can do that" run through my head....then when thinks take longer than I think or get harder than I want them to be, my joy in the thing he's called me to, fizzles. I guess that makes it pretty evident WHO my faith was in (um, that would be ME, not HIM).
This whole adoption thing is case in point. We felt God's call. We stepped out in faith to start the journey. I'm all jazzed about the whole thing. Then, it feels like a giant "pause" button was pushed. We can't move forward without the cash to make it happen. I have been feeling pretty bummed about that, and thus, my joy in the process has faded. I've been discouraged and frusterated. With my other two kids, we decided it was time, and BAM I was pregnant, and the babies came. All falling nicely into our plan (and we believe, God's too, conveniently). This time, there is so much waiting!
I've kind of not been thinking too much about the adoption stuff, intentionally. Because, I don't want to feel bummed out.
Today, I got a big fat reminder in the mail, that my faith is in entirely the wrong place (um, that would be me again). God is the one who has called us, and it is HE who will provide the way. It's all about HIM.
In my search for adoption money, I've spent many hours on the Shaohannah's Hope website (Steven Curtis Chapman and family's adoption ministry). I ended up on the mailing list for the newsletter, and today, it really ministered to me right where my brain and heart were failing.
There was an article titled "Miracles-God Provided A Way". The family in the article could be us. Single income family, Dad is a teacher (US). They had just enough money to do the homestudy.(US). They felt called to Ethiopia (US). It quoted the scripture The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14). It told of thier journey of patience and waiting. How God paid attention to thier needs and heard thier prayers for provision. It was a reminder that God is ENOUGH. He IS enough. He will provide enough for ME. Enough patience, enough money, enough resources, enough help, enough love, enough endurace, enough energy, enough grace.
I was reminded of that Chris Tomlin song "All of You is enough for all of me". I love that song, but I often forget the truth it holds. HE is ENOUGH. His plan is perfect, and I need to stick with him for his timing. It is perfect, and I believe the moment I hold my girl for the first time, It will flood my heart. That I would not want his timing to be any different. If it was my timing, it would not be the daughter he has chosen for us. Each little thing that seems like a hangup to me, is really his way of bringing about his perfect timing. I believe it will be like the moment you hold your baby you just gave birth to...you forget the barfing, the achy back, the frequent potty stops and all the pain. It was so worth it. I know meeting my daughter will be no different. I just forget sometimes, and I lean on myself for endurance. I, however, do NOT have ENOUGH. But, it's good that I have a direct connection with the One and Only who does have enough.