Empowered to Connect Conference. AMAZING!!

WHOA. I'm on a little bit of brain overload. I had the tremendous HONOR of attending the Empowered to Connect Conference in Denver this past weekend. I know some of you have read the book, The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis. GREAT book. Somehow in my adoption preparation, this book got past me, and I didn't read it prior to this month. In a quick google search on the book, after our little dramatic event this past month, I stumbled up on this conference where Dr Purvis was the main speaker.

I HAVE TO SAY, THIS IS THE BEST $300 I HAVE EVER SPENT. The conference itself was only $60 for me and my mom to attend, the airfare was the rest. The book, The Connected Child in and of itself is incredibly insighful and has amazing information on how to help your child heal.

HOWEVER. If there is ANY way you can get yourself to a Empowered to Connect Conference or purchase the DVD's off the Empowered to Connect website...DO IT. It's so much MORE helpful, inspiring and motivating to hear her speak it with passion in person. My brain feels like jelly, after two full days of amazing teaching and seminars. Packed full with amazing illustrations, strategies, information and most of all HOPE for ANY child. AMAAAAAZING stuff, folks. You can by the complete set of DVD's from Dr. Purvis and TCU's team of child development experts on the website for around $250. I fully intend to buy every single one and watch them over and over. This is by FAR the most helpful information I've seen or read (and I've read ALOT) on helping your adopted or foster child. Seriously. Even if things are going smoothly, it will help you understand so very much about the way your childs brain operates, and how to help them develop healthy relationships with you and TRUST you. I honestly have thought we were sailing along pretty smoothly, and truly things HAVE gone well with Lucy. But, I learned so much, and it clear that my sweet little pumpkin still operates out of fear and not full trust. She's doing incredibly well, and attaching more all the time (as are we...it's not just up to her!)...but she still does many things out of underlying fear, because that's what her history has taught her.

PLEASE. I'm begging you. Please check out these resources! You will NOT regret it.

www.empoweredtoconnect.org
TCU educational videos

Sometimes...

So, I've been totally absent from this blog. Sorry.

But, it's been a good few months. We're STILL battling Lu's Giardia, and think it has affect on some other health problems...but all in all she's INCREDIBLY good. She's running all over the house, copying everything we say, learning about 10 new words a day it seems. So funny and fun.

Today, I'm processing something in my head, and I just need to write it out.  Maybe, it will be of use to someone out there, wondering about attachement/bonding.

Sometimes, we (matt and I) look at each other and say, "OH. This is attachment!". We feel like the last two months we've seen big changes in our girl, in really positive ways. For some reason I think we had it in our heads that that bonding and attachment thing would happen in the first 6 months. And then, that's what it would be...like, forever. Bonding, we felt, happened pretty quickly. She liked us. She even preferred us. While we were still in Ethiopia, she called us Mama and Dada. She made good eye contact. We felt like she got it pretty quickly, that we were the ones who would meet her needs. I don't know why we thought that it would all magically happen in 6 months. We didn't even know what was missing, exactly. But when "it" happens, we just say, "oh wow! Look at that!"  Like, giving us kisses. We weren't sure if it was her personality or a trust thing, but she would NOT give us kisses, or let us kiss her. We'd say give me a kiss, she'd turn her cute little cheek and offer it for a kiss. Never the sloppy wet, open mouthed kisses we'd gotten from our boys at that age. We thought, maybe that's just HER personality. Then, all of a sudden, one day, she did. She offered those sloppy wet kisses. She's been giving them ever since. The other thing, is laughter. She's often given a little giggle and loads of courteous smiles when we do something silly or funny. But then one day...BELLY laughs started coming out and she hasn't stopped. She gives us little love pats on the arm, or plays with my hair. When she's hurt, she runs to me and wants loves. It's like in her little mind, there's this trust level we didn't quite have before, but all the time she's trusting us more, and we're learning that this bonding and attaching thing has no end date where it's "complete". It just keeps getting better. I don't know why, we just didn't expect that to be the case.

And sometimes, I feel like I just want to say out loud to her...."Will you just let me LOVE you??" The girl is busy busy busy. Go, Go, Go. Never sitting still with us, unless we're reading a book, or giving her a bottle (yes, we're still giving her 2 bottles a day, even though she's 19 months old! Hey...it's the only way we get snuggles, and we're not making any apologies for taking advantage of it.) We usually rock her for about 3.5 minutes before bed, before she asks to go night night in her bed. She LOVES her bed. She likes to give herself little time outs in her bed...I think it's her escape. Heck, I'd love it if I could hide in my bed when I want to escape the chaos too.

Yesterday, I had a mom's group function to attend. Normally she's been doing pretty well in these environments. We stayed away from ALL of these type of functions for months. Crowds can still be overwhelming, and noisy ones really do her in quickly. But, she's been doing well. Our plan was for Matt to come and pick up the kids after his dinner with friends at 7pm, and take the kids home for bed time. Lucy, however usually hits the hay at 6:30. At precisely 6:30, she was walking around the room (in a friends house). It was busy and bustling, lots of moms and music going. She turned her back to me, and when she couldn't see me, she started looking around. I could see her, and was making my way to her, when I saw she looked confused and lost. SHE PANICKED. I quickly grabbed her up in my arms, and soothed her. But, she was SO upset. Couldn't calm herself down. I called Matt to come get them early, becuase it was just too much for her. She was really REALLY upset. Matt said she cried all the way home, wouldn't take her bottle, and finally, totally exhausted fell asleep fully clothed. This morning, she was back to her chipper self, seeming to have forgotten about last nights drama. But, when I tried to get some hugs from her, or rock her before nap time, she FOUGHT me. No hugs. No kisses. Squirmy. I just wanted to say..."LET ME LOVE YOU!" It felt like I'd lost some of that hard earned trust last night. It's tough for me sometimes, because I'm totally a physical touch, hugger, affectionate, whatever you want to call it, person. I love me some hugs. My girl...NOT a hugger. My jack...he's a hugger and Lucy can't STAND all the physical love that boy has to give her. It's kind of funny, but poor Jack gets shut down A LOT by the girl.

It feels more like it's me, the mom, that she has a hard time trusting.  She loves to sit on Matt's lap. I can't help but wonder if it's becuase there were very few men in her life prior to us. None that were "caregivers". But women, rotated in and out of her life, day after day. Every few months, a new one would appear and the prior would vanish. I can't help but wonder if she's testing me out, almost expecting me to leave her...waiting to see if I'm really trustworthy. Can a baby even DO that? I don't know, but I sure feel like it at times. It makes me really sad...I'm emotional about tonight. Babies just shouldn't have to wonder if the mom is going to stick around, you know? I hate that her first instinct is that I will leave her.

It feels like we make big progress, and then go backwards a few steps. I guess that's all part of this process. Continuing to show her, we are here for the long haul. Not going anywhere. Trustworthy. Loving her unconditionally. It's reminding me of how Jesus loves us. No matter how we behave, he is steady. Now matter how far we push away, he is still there, loving us just the same, asking us to let Him love us. Wanting to lavish us with his presence, even when we think we don't want it. Lord, keep filling me up, so I can keep pouring out love to this little girl.

My list.

The Holidays are over, and our 2 week "vacation" from school (for Matt and Hayden) ended with a round of yucky colds for Jack, Lucy and I. It's rainy. It's dark. I'm feeling ho-hum as I recover from my yucky cold.

So, I decided, to give an update in the form of things I'm thankful for right now.

1. Lucy is finally giving us affectionate kisses. It still melts my heart every time I ask for a kiss and she grins and leans in to offer her little lips. That one took about 6 months to get to! I have tears in my eyes now as I type it. We are a kissing kind of family. We kiss our kiddos alot and tell them how much we love them, and they reciprocate. We are just affectionate. I wasn't sure if we just had a non-affectionate kid on our hands, or if we just had to wait it out. For months, we'd ask, and she'd offer her cheek or forehead. IT'S A BREAKTHROUGH, PEOPLE! She IS a kisser!!

2. She's walking! I am terrible, and I don't even have a picture of it. My flip video camera is a peice of @$@#* broken at the moment. But our girls is walking more than crawling, officially. I'm thrilled that she's walking (at 17 months) and I'm so thankful though that we had lots of non walking time with her. It helped feel like we didn't miss quite so much before she was here with us.

3. Lucy has officially been with us for 7 months!! I can't even believe it. She has now been a part of our family longer than the time she was without a family. For some reason, that is a milestone to many of us adoptive parents. I think because we LIVE in family. Our lives REVOLVE around family, and the idea of one of our own living outside of a family, just seems so wrong. It is wrong and unjust. Kids should have a family. Somehow, knowing she's been WITH one, longer than she was WITHOUT one, seems to have some impact in healing that deficit.

4. Life is just starting to finally feel like a normal family again. It's good. At our Mom's group at church on Thursday, I was able to leave her in the nursery (which was a progression that took time, but I think we're successful now more than we aren't). When I picked her up at the end, and was holding her, another mom said, "Your daughter smells delicious!"...she does, it's the hair products, I admit. But, the point is, it just flowed right out her mouth. MY DAUGHTER. It felt normal and almost made me cry. I love being known by this group of women. They know our story. They KNOW she's my DAUGHTER.  Usually when we're out and about, you can tell by the looks on others faces, that they are wondering. Wondering how our family is made up....is she our daughter? Are we babysitting? Does she have a different dad? Does she have a different mom? The look of wonder is on thier faces, and some are dumb enough to ask. But, my amazing friends, KNOW. We are just the Keslers. We are a regular family to them :)

5. I love that every morning, Lucy wakes up happy. She plays and talks to herself in her bed for about 20 minutes before I come in to get her. When I come in, I say, "Good Morning, Lovey!" And she is SO excited and happy to see me. It makes my day, right then. She jumps up and scrambles to get to me. I love it.

pretty sure I've already posted this one, but I just love it. Man, that was good hair day!

I could post about the challenges we still face, but for today, I'm just enjoying the blessings of our life, trying to soak up the good. It. Is. GOOD. We are beyond blessed.

Pie of Sweetness

This morning, Hayden, Lucy and I were snuggling on the couch. He was reading her favorite book to her, which is a little baby book of first words. He kept saying, "come here, sweetie" to her, in his best baby voice. Then, he turned to me, and said, "I call her Sweetie, becuase she is just a PIE of sweetness! A Sweetie Pie!"

Melt.My.Heart.

Lucy in her favorite rocking chair by the Christmas Tree.

Christmas...One year!!

One year ago, we saw Lucy's sweet little face for the first time. It was amazing...the best Christmas EVER.
I'm typing from my  hubby's laptop, so I don't have a pic of our sweet girl handy.

We have a long standing tradition of getting new christmas jammies at Grammy's house on Christmas Eve. Then, we wear them ALL day on Christmas day. (remember my ugly referral photos last year? Jammies, greasy hair, glasses??? Ring a bell?) This year was no different, other than cute girlie jammies for Lulu were included in our Christmas Eve loot.

Christmas Morning, Lucy and I were in her bedroom. The boys were patiently waiting in the car. Lucy, although in her sweet little sheep jammies, insisted that she put on some shoes. Her fancy black patent leather shoes. She really loves shoes. As we sat there putting on her fancy shoes and giggling together, I started to cry. One year ago, Christmas morning, I was having a hard time feeling the "Christmas Spirit". I was longing to see our daughters face. We had just finished her bedroom on Matt's Christmas Break, and we were READY. God was so good to us, and we got the call of our life that day.

This Christmas, I am overwhelmingly thankful for our sweet girl who has lit up our life. She is light and joy. We are so enjoying her. she is full of spunk, giggles and learning about 10 new words a day it seems. She's taking little steps, almost walking. She does this silly "knee walking". Where she wants to be upright, but not enough to get up on her feet. She is finally FINALLY giving us real kisses and enjoying it. For ever it seems, when we ask for a kiss, she'd offer her cheek or forehead. But finally she's offering her sweet little slobbery lips! We are loving that. She loves loves loves shoes. Today, she sat with me for 20 minutes while I cleaned her closet to make way for new Christmas clothes. She just sat there trying on shoes and saying "Mo, Mo shoooooos." (More Shoes). Sweet girl!

We saw a naturopath a week ago, who gave us some natural treatment for her continual giardia. We are thrilled to see some improvement. (this will contain poop discussion!) She's been having only one poop a day (after 3-4 per day, normally).  She is no longer begging for food/water every waking moment. We're so glad to be seeing some change.

Wishing a very merry Christmas to all of you families, who we've so enjoyed sharing this wild ride of adoption with this year. It's been a journey we will never ever forget and we're so thankful for the love and support of your unique friendships. Enjoy this season with your precious kiddos, and love and squeeze them all they'll let you. God is so good and faithful to bring us to the place we CAN do that !!!

Great "love makes a family" shirts!

Check out these adorable shirts! I wish I was attending this awesome adoptive mom retreat...but it's in Atlanta, AND it's sold out. But you can be a part by buying one of these great shirts! you can get one HERE.http://www.babeofmyheart.com/what-makes-a-family-t-shirts-are-in-let-the-fundraiser-begin

Thanking Jesus.

I've been spending the day, celebrating my sweet 4 year old boy today (that is another post). We've been making cookies, as I cleaned up I turned on my Christmas playlist and heard this song by Third Day, called Merry Christmas. A whole bunch of emotions came flooding back to me. LAST December, this song made me weep for a whole other reason. We were anxiously waiting. Waiting for news about a baby girl in Ethiopia, who's face we'd never seen. It was all I could do to pull it together and enjoy Christmas without knowing her. Praying every minute I was awake about her and for her. As you know, Christmas Day, we got "the call" and Christmas was made perfect for us.

This year, as I heard this song, I wept for a new reason. Because we ARE NOT waiting. Because this year, this Christmas, she's here. In our arms. This year, I DO get to hug her, and love away her boo-boos, and give her bottles when she's hungry, and give her an unlimited supply of Ritz crackers. This year, I get to be her mama. Today, I'm so thankful. I'm so  very very thankful to be on the same side of the world as my daughter. That this Christmas she's a part of a family, OUR family. We are so blessed to be the ones to love her. One year ago tomorrow, she entered Gladney's care, and they prepared to give us our referral.

Thank you, Thank you, Jesus. You are SO faithful. Even when we can't see the work you're doing, you're still working. You are still meeting needs. You are making a way. You are tying up loose ends. You are reconciling loss and mending hearts. Thank you, for letting us see this one come together.  We are so very very blessed.

Our sweet girl, almost one year ago, 12/18/09