sorry...this post is really to empty my brain. I have been running, running, running. Pretty much since September. Mom's ministry, adoption paperchasing, basketball season, fundraising, book club, friends...all good things but I am wiped out! In the past 10 days, I have had something all but one night. This week is looking the same, 3 nights out, and a few daytime commitments, planning and packing for high school summer camp (we leave Saturday). It's been great... I feel like all I"ve learned about adoption, could have earned me the college degree I never finished!
My heart has been stirring lately...how when my life is so full, can I still feel unsatisfied? Why do I want more? I'm realizing, that what I more of, is LESS. Less on my calendar, less places I have to be. MORE time with real friends. Really really sharing life together. I long for community. I long to be present in some friends life enough to make a difference. I long to be present enough in my kids life to leave a mark...somedays I feel like I just rush them from place to place, hustling them into thier carseats, in and out of stores or errands, griping that they aren't cooperating. (Why would they want to cooperate? I'm not really enjoying it either!)
I am so blessed to have lots of friends. Great friends. I really like making friends...being around people is good for my soul. I really love it. I am realizing though, that I'm running from event to event. Meeting to meeting. Group to group. I do feel like there are a few more of those friends, who I really want to dig deep with. Share life. Share meals, share kids, share passions and daydreams. Pray for eachother. Encourage eachother. I am praying about what this needs to look like in my life. How can I be more present in important ways and cut back on the less important ways? What is God calling me to as a wife, mom, friend? For awhile, I thought I needed to steer our mom's group in this direction...less program, more relationships. That could be really good. But I think the bigger stirring is for my own heart. My life...God telling me to slow down, cut back, and be more intentional. Really care for some people. Not just put out fires, or problem solve, or graze the surface. Get down and dirty with a few.
My heart for other adoptive families, and how I can be a resource and encouragement to them is rising up on my list. I feel a new passion growing in my heart...wondering what God will do with that.
*sigh*, feeling a little better, now, thanks for listening. That was all over the place, and a little random. My head feels a little better now :)