Sunday, June 14, 2009

time to breathe ...emptying my brain.

sorry...this post is really to empty my brain. I have been running, running, running. Pretty much since September. Mom's ministry, adoption paperchasing, basketball season, fundraising, book club, friends...all good things but I am wiped out! In the past 10 days, I have had something all but one night. This week is looking the same, 3 nights out, and a few daytime commitments, planning and packing for high school summer camp (we leave Saturday). It's been great... I feel like all I"ve learned about adoption, could have earned me the college degree I never finished!

My heart has been stirring lately...how when my life is so full, can I still feel unsatisfied? Why do I want more? I'm realizing, that what I more of, is LESS. Less on my calendar, less places I have to be. MORE time with real friends. Really really sharing life together. I long for community. I long to be present in some friends life enough to make a difference. I long to be present enough in my kids life to leave a mark...somedays I feel like I just rush them from place to place, hustling them into thier carseats, in and out of stores or errands, griping that they aren't cooperating. (Why would they want to cooperate? I'm not really enjoying it either!)

I am so blessed to have lots of friends. Great friends. I really like making friends...being around people is good for my soul. I really love it. I am realizing though, that I'm running from event to event. Meeting to meeting. Group to group. I do feel like there are a few more of those friends, who I really want to dig deep with. Share life. Share meals, share kids, share passions and daydreams. Pray for eachother. Encourage eachother. I am praying about what this needs to look like in my life. How can I be more present in important ways and cut back on the less important ways? What is God calling me to as a wife, mom, friend? For awhile, I thought I needed to steer our mom's group in this direction...less program, more relationships. That could be really good. But I think the bigger stirring is for my own heart. My life...God telling me to slow down, cut back, and be more intentional. Really care for some people. Not just put out fires, or problem solve, or graze the surface. Get down and dirty with a few.

My heart for other adoptive families, and how I can be a resource and encouragement to them is rising up on my list. I feel a new passion growing in my heart...wondering what God will do with that.

*sigh*, feeling a little better, now, thanks for listening. That was all over the place, and a little random. My head feels a little better now :)

5 comments:

Christy. said...

I went through these feelings a couple of years ago. I had to really look at my commitments and choose what I was willing to give up. It is so hard to do but so freeing in the end! Pray and God will show you how...

You are such an encouragement to me! Thank you so much for praying for me the other day. I was able to make it through my day even though I was weak and had a major dehydration headache.

We are going to the beach on Thursday for five days and when we get back it will almost be garage sale time. Everything is totally organized for it and I am so excited to see what God does.

Have a great week and enjoy camp!!

Aaron & Whitney Pratt (A&W) said...

i am not a mom YET, but I hear you on the busyness thing. rush, rush, rush. Praying for you here in Texas that God speaks directly to you, about how to declutter parts of your life, and simplify, so that you will fully enjoy every moment as He intended. My small group at church just started reading a devo/book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, and from Ch 1, it seems like I'll be learning some of the same things. very excited.

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Oh yeah. One of the things God keeps reminding us of as well. We have a lot of responsibility..but we also have to handle it with care. Praying God will guide you to do that.

rushhome said...

Ummm...I am going to cut and paste this post as my next entry. Thanks for the gut check, I think.

Michelle P said...

Slowing down is good. Has been for me. It is hard to give things up, but the peace that comes is good. Sorry things are spinning right now. I'll be praying for God's clear voice and direction for you right now.

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