Saturday, August 15, 2009
YIKES. Bad Blogger!
It has been nearly a month since I made a real post. This has been a crazy past month for us. For some reason, since Matt is a teacher and has summers off, we say "yes" to everything we are invited to. It looks like so much fun on paper, to have a summer full of campouts and beach trips. It IS fun. But...honestly, I'm getting weary. Of Laundry. Sand in my minivan. smelling like a campfire. We've been out of town nearly every weekend since mid july. 2 more weekends, and we're home for the routine of a new school year. I think we're all ready for it!
This is proving to be a season of evaluation, reprioritizing, and simplifying my life. I am realizing alot of things about myself. Some, not so pretty. I'm tired. I run myself ragged, and drag my kids along with me. I stay up too late. I am a people pleaser to the core. I NEVER want anyone to be dissappointed in me or think I am flaky or don't do enough. I say "yes" to everything, and regret it later. I don't know where along the timeline of my life I learned that I like the feeling of other people knowing the can count on me. That I would always be there, I could always be counted on to serve. I really enjoy those things too. But, somewhere I talked myself into believing that those were the reasons people like me. Because I don't miss anything, I am always involved, always responsible.
I am realizing that my family has been getting the leftovers after I serve everyone else. (Um, that is not much). Between leading the MOM's ministry at our church (which I love) AND homestudies, dossiers, dr.'s appts, applications, blah blah blah, my poor family is not getting much of me. What they do get is a tired, short tempered exhausted, no fun mom. In the past few weeks as I've decided to step away from MOM's ministry and just savor these months with my boys as we wait for Lucy, we have had so much fun. I took my boys to the beach, just me and them for 3 days, and truthfully, it was life changing for me. The Lord met me there on the sand. He reminded me of my longing to be present in my kids lives. To love them. To enjoy them. To teach them about who God is. Honestly, I had forgotten. These past weeks as I've given my kids most of my attention, they have changed. They are more loving. They are happier. They are peaceful (mostly). I am realizing it REALLY impacts them, what I do with my time. Truly, it's a picture of God's relationship with us. I mean, when we spend time with the Lord, letting him fill me up, I am different. I am peaceful, loving, patient. I am convinced God gave us our children to show us a sliver of how much he loves us.
I am so excited to spend these next 6 or so months totally focused on my 3 men. I think God has so much in store for us.
ps, behind my back at Target today, I hear my kids making gun/shooting noises. I have resigned myself to be ok with this, since their dad and grandpa are avid hunters. HOWEVER, I am NOT OKAY with them making guns out of tampons they find in my purse. Unwrapped. Launching the cottony part at each other out of the "shooter". They thought it was the coolest thing that I had guns in my purse, just for them. :)