Monday, March 8, 2010
Baby Makes the Belly Go Round
I have been blessed with the privelege of shooting some fun photos this month! Here's a peek at one of my latest, my sweet cousin and her baby boy's first birthday. Her little neice (my other cousin's little one) came along to play too, it was so fun! Mandy is going to be a busy mama in a few weeks with another one coming soon! Here are some of my faves: (you can view more of my photos at my website www.erynkesler.com)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A Good blog post about talking to your kids about racism
There's this blog I love. Rage Against the Minivan.
Kristen has 4 kids- two biological daughters and two adopted sons. One was foster adopt, and one recently home from Haiti (amazing story in and of itself!).
Anyhoo, Kristen just wrote a great blog post about dealing with kids/ parents on subjects of race. She is talking from a personal experience, but also gives some really good tips on how to talk to kids about race in a normal, healthy every day experience. How NOT talking about it, does not equal "all skin colors are equal". I'm guilty of not talking about skin colors. Some think pointing out the differences to our kids is not politically correct. We learned that whatever we were doing wasn't working, when Hayden recently said to us "How are we going to paint Lucy's skin to look like ours when she gets here?" UM. WE AREN'T. We have talked about her skin being a different color than ours, we thought we'd given them time to get used to the idea. It never crossed our minds that they would think she needed to match us.
Anyhow, any and all parents of white kids, asian kids, native american kids, black kids, could benefit from reading THIS.
Kristen has 4 kids- two biological daughters and two adopted sons. One was foster adopt, and one recently home from Haiti (amazing story in and of itself!).
Anyhoo, Kristen just wrote a great blog post about dealing with kids/ parents on subjects of race. She is talking from a personal experience, but also gives some really good tips on how to talk to kids about race in a normal, healthy every day experience. How NOT talking about it, does not equal "all skin colors are equal". I'm guilty of not talking about skin colors. Some think pointing out the differences to our kids is not politically correct. We learned that whatever we were doing wasn't working, when Hayden recently said to us "How are we going to paint Lucy's skin to look like ours when she gets here?" UM. WE AREN'T. We have talked about her skin being a different color than ours, we thought we'd given them time to get used to the idea. It never crossed our minds that they would think she needed to match us.
Anyhow, any and all parents of white kids, asian kids, native american kids, black kids, could benefit from reading THIS.
Monday, March 1, 2010
"I don't want my kids to be happy"- Edited
While doing my daily blog stalking reading, I came across my pal Gayla's post. She copied it and pasted it from another blog. I. AM. IN. LOVE. with this post. Let's just say, "my sentiments, exactly!"
While we have had nothing but support from our loved ones, aside from that point in this snippet of another mama's blog, I agree with all of it. ALL OF IT.
At this point I'm not sure who to give credit to, but anonymous blog mama...beautifully said.
TITLE: I don't want my children to be happy. (This came from It's Almost Naptime's blog)
Dear Shepherd, Sissy, Maggie and Ikey,
Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they oppose our plans to adopt. One of the reasons given was that we would not be able to pay for your college education.
It's true.
You all have college funds - college funds which recently took a terrible hit - but "they" say that by the time you're 18, college will cost anywhere between $200,000 to half a million dollars each. You might as well know now, we won't be covering that. I'm telling you now, babies.
The people said that the day would come when you would look at us with resentment because you had to apply for school loans while many of your friends got a free ride from their parents.
Maybe you will. Maybe you'll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y'all now why your dad and I have decided to do what we are doing.
I know you're going to think I am going off topic (I do that a lot) but several years I saw a story on a TV show about how the latest trend was for parents to give their daughters boob jobs for high school graduation (I don't know what they gave their sons.) When interviewing one of the moms, she said, "I just want my daughter to be happy." And as I tossed a throw pillow at the television, this really huge thought occurred to me: I don't want my children to be happy.
My goal as your mom is not your happiness, sugars. In fact, I spend at least half my day making you unhappy. If I had a nickle for every tear that falls in this home on a daily basis, we wouldn't need to worry about college tuition at all.
Happiness is fleeting, sweet babies. That means it doesn't last. It's a quick feeling that comes from a funny movie or a heart shaped lollipop or a really good birthday present. It's great. I love to be happy. But happiness is a reaction that is based on our surroundings. And our surroundings are so very rarely under our control. Even when - especially when - we think they are. So no, I absolutely don't want you to spend your life chasing something that has so little to do with your own abilities. You'll just be constantly frustrated.
There are two things I desire for you, precious loves. There are two things that I spend most of my time as a mother trying cultivate in you. Happiness ain't one of them. (This means, sorry, no boob jobs for you.)
The first is, I want you to be content. Being content is so much different from being happy. Being content is not based on your surroundings. Being content comes from within. Contentment is a spirit of gratitude. It's the choice you make to either be thankful for the things you do have, or to whine about the things you don't have.
As you know, because I've told you lots of times, Paul talked about being content. Paul said that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." And Paul was in some rotten situations, kiddos, really rotten.
How could Paul be content whether he was in prison or if his life was literally a shipwreck? Because Paul was constantly seeking to be in the will of God instead of his own, was constantly sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of the gospel, and was constantly being confirmed, strengthened, and blessed by God because of his obedience. He was given a supernatural power - that means something kind of like magic, God magic - to do things that most other humans could not do. And guess what? The bible tells us (in Ephesians 1) that God will give you the exact same power! If you want it!
Which leads me to my second desire for y'all.
I don't want you to be happy. I want you to be holy. That means, I want you to seek that God-power to make you content. I want you to want the Kingdom of God more than your own kingdom. And that's hard, babies, that is so hard. And that usually means passing up a lot of what the world considers happiness. But it means that you will achieve blessings directly from God that most of the world never dreams of because they are too occupied with the achieving the perfect birthday present!
This means you may be poor, 'in want' as Paul said, and that's okay. It will never, ever be okay with the world for you to be poor. So you'll be up against the world. But not your dad and me, loves, because it was never our goal for you to be wealthy - at least not in the way that the world considers wealthy.
Darlings, we love you so much. You will never even grasp how much we love you until you have children of your own, and then you'll get it, and then you'll apologize for the ways you treated us ;) But our goal is not to please you. Our goal is to please our Heavenly Father. And nowhere in the bible does the Lord command that we save our money to send our kids to college.
But the Lord does command us to care for the orphan around fifty times. He does tell us to care for the poor around 300 times. He does tell us that when we care for the neediest, we are caring for Jesus Himself. And in chapter six of the book of Matthew, He tells us to seek His kingdom first, and let Him worry about the rest, like college tuition. Because it's all His anyway.
They said that one day y'all would resent us for using 'your' college money to go and get your sister out of an orphanage in Ethiopia and bring her home to you.
But I know my babies. Even at your tender ages, I know your hearts, and I have already seen you weep for the least of these. I know the prayers I offer up to God that He and not the world would shape the desires of your hearts. I am trusting Him to answer those prayers.
So, sugarbears - I just don't believe those people.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Shepherd, Sissy, Maggie and Ikey,
Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they oppose our plans to adopt. One of the reasons given was that we would not be able to pay for your college education.
It's true.
You all have college funds - college funds which recently took a terrible hit - but "they" say that by the time you're 18, college will cost anywhere between $200,000 to half a million dollars each. You might as well know now, we won't be covering that. I'm telling you now, babies.
The people said that the day would come when you would look at us with resentment because you had to apply for school loans while many of your friends got a free ride from their parents.
Maybe you will. Maybe you'll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y'all now why your dad and I have decided to do what we are doing.
I know you're going to think I am going off topic (I do that a lot) but several years I saw a story on a TV show about how the latest trend was for parents to give their daughters boob jobs for high school graduation (I don't know what they gave their sons.) When interviewing one of the moms, she said, "I just want my daughter to be happy." And as I tossed a throw pillow at the television, this really huge thought occurred to me: I don't want my children to be happy.
My goal as your mom is not your happiness, sugars. In fact, I spend at least half my day making you unhappy. If I had a nickle for every tear that falls in this home on a daily basis, we wouldn't need to worry about college tuition at all.
Happiness is fleeting, sweet babies. That means it doesn't last. It's a quick feeling that comes from a funny movie or a heart shaped lollipop or a really good birthday present. It's great. I love to be happy. But happiness is a reaction that is based on our surroundings. And our surroundings are so very rarely under our control. Even when - especially when - we think they are. So no, I absolutely don't want you to spend your life chasing something that has so little to do with your own abilities. You'll just be constantly frustrated.
There are two things I desire for you, precious loves. There are two things that I spend most of my time as a mother trying cultivate in you. Happiness ain't one of them. (This means, sorry, no boob jobs for you.)
The first is, I want you to be content. Being content is so much different from being happy. Being content is not based on your surroundings. Being content comes from within. Contentment is a spirit of gratitude. It's the choice you make to either be thankful for the things you do have, or to whine about the things you don't have.
As you know, because I've told you lots of times, Paul talked about being content. Paul said that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." And Paul was in some rotten situations, kiddos, really rotten.
How could Paul be content whether he was in prison or if his life was literally a shipwreck? Because Paul was constantly seeking to be in the will of God instead of his own, was constantly sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of the gospel, and was constantly being confirmed, strengthened, and blessed by God because of his obedience. He was given a supernatural power - that means something kind of like magic, God magic - to do things that most other humans could not do. And guess what? The bible tells us (in Ephesians 1) that God will give you the exact same power! If you want it!
Which leads me to my second desire for y'all.
I don't want you to be happy. I want you to be holy. That means, I want you to seek that God-power to make you content. I want you to want the Kingdom of God more than your own kingdom. And that's hard, babies, that is so hard. And that usually means passing up a lot of what the world considers happiness. But it means that you will achieve blessings directly from God that most of the world never dreams of because they are too occupied with the achieving the perfect birthday present!
This means you may be poor, 'in want' as Paul said, and that's okay. It will never, ever be okay with the world for you to be poor. So you'll be up against the world. But not your dad and me, loves, because it was never our goal for you to be wealthy - at least not in the way that the world considers wealthy.
Darlings, we love you so much. You will never even grasp how much we love you until you have children of your own, and then you'll get it, and then you'll apologize for the ways you treated us ;) But our goal is not to please you. Our goal is to please our Heavenly Father. And nowhere in the bible does the Lord command that we save our money to send our kids to college.
But the Lord does command us to care for the orphan around fifty times. He does tell us to care for the poor around 300 times. He does tell us that when we care for the neediest, we are caring for Jesus Himself. And in chapter six of the book of Matthew, He tells us to seek His kingdom first, and let Him worry about the rest, like college tuition. Because it's all His anyway.
They said that one day y'all would resent us for using 'your' college money to go and get your sister out of an orphanage in Ethiopia and bring her home to you.
But I know my babies. Even at your tender ages, I know your hearts, and I have already seen you weep for the least of these. I know the prayers I offer up to God that He and not the world would shape the desires of your hearts. I am trusting Him to answer those prayers.
So, sugarbears - I just don't believe those people.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I thought I was done... (a reflection)
Began this post a week ago, and never finished it: (warning...it's long.)
I've been nesting. Reorganizing...and if you know me at all, you know that is always a bigger mess than it was to begin with :). I set out to reorganize my craft stuff this weekend. I have an armoir in my dining area, neat and tidy little plastic bins...and oodles of craft stuff.
In my closet that I emptied, was a bunch of memorabilia from "THE AUCTION" that our friends hosted for us in May 2009 to support our adoption. Memorablilia I've been hanging onto, wanting to put into a scrapbook. The bag is was in was torn, stuff spilling out. I set it on the table to figure out what I needed to save, and what I could "purge". I'm big on purging right now.
So, I began to sift through...a scrapbook to put it in, programs, tickets, table decor...all so nice. I read through the program...it contained little excerpts from this blog from our journey to that point. That got me going, the tears flowing. Then...THEN, I started sifting through a stack of papers. My amazing friend, UH-MA-ZING, Nicole, the one who was the visionary behind the auction, handed everything over to me after the auction. All the donation forms, the lists of everyone who bought tickets and spent loads of money at the auction. It all came flooding back to me in a rush of emotions and tears. Here I am, at my messy table, in my sweats, weeping. I am again, overwhelmed by the generosity of total strangers and friends who are like family. They aren't "like" family, they are family. God met all of our needs financially in ONE night. Our friends generosity of time, talent, and money...accumlated to near $12000 that night. Again, I am overwhelmed by what God has already done to bring our family together through adoption.
Today (2/23/2010)
These past few days have been the hardest stretch of "the wait" thus far. My hubby coaches high school basketball (and he's an english/social studies teacher). Once upon a time, I LOVED basketball. I was passionate about, lived and breathed it. I played for several years in middle school/high school. Currently, however, it's no secret that basketball season is not my favorite time of year. It means for our family, that mid-November we part ways, and our normal doesn't come back until mid-February. My hubby and I have agood great relationship. We get along, we share our dreams, our hearts, our passions with eachother. We share responsibilities in raising our children. Matt is truly my best friend and deepest love. We truly look forward to spending time together, and also give eachother permission and grace to do things without each other. He gets superbowl sunday with "the guys" no questions asked. I get crafty weekends with the girls no questions asked. We are good for each other, yet we are blessed to live in the reality that our happiness in life does not rest on our spouses shoulders. All that to say, for 3 months, we pretty much live separate lives, and like the old saying goes we "pass like ships in the night". And, I MISS HIM. I go into survival mode. I fend for myself, make mac and cheese or pancakes for dinner. Laundry piles up and I don't care. We get by.
This year was different. This was our third basketball season. Our first season of basketball/adoption waiting. Without even knowing it, I locked away my emotions about waiting. I knew if I didn't keep it all disconnected, I would crack. I wouldn't be able to keep it together. So...I just haven't really felt much. I just pushed through, and so did Matt. We had to. Basketball officially ended for the Twolves last Wednesday. We had some great company throughout the week, and I had so much fun re-living my Twilight fun with my sister in law, Rachel. It was her first time seeing the movies. (We watched Twilight at home, and saw New Moon in the $3 theatre Saturday night. Twice. LOL!)Sunday they went home, and we headed out for church.
On our way to church, I said outloud, "I'm not really sure why, but I don't really feel like going to church today." No big deal, we went anyway. I sat blankly through the teaching, not really absorbing much. Worship came after that...and I fell apart. I sat there crying, realizing how disconnected I'd become from my feelings over the past two months. Normally, I'm a feeler. I cry over everything. I laugh easily...I feel what those around me feel. It was weird to realize I hadn't been doing that since we got our referral. I realized, I had not let my feelings out, and I that I was afraid I would not be able to keep it together through the rest of our wait if I let it out now. I have been fighting myself, and not allowing the Lord to meet me where I am. I am still afraid of that. Still afraid to let it all out, and let God meet me where I am.
I am tired of waiting for a court date. We've been waiting two months for a court date. I never thought it would take that long, even though I've told myself to not have expectations. I am emotional. I am probably PMSing. I am sure I'm post-basketball season emotional. I'm sure that I'm tired of adoption related waiting. I've cried alot these past 3 days. I'm tired. I want our baby home.
We are really enjoying being back together as a family every night. That is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I like my husband so much. I came back to this post, because I wanted to remember how wonderfully God loves us, and has already provided. It reminds me that there's no way he'd leave this next phase of our story unwritten. I have so much to be thankful for, and it helps me keep trusting him for the rest.
I've been nesting. Reorganizing...and if you know me at all, you know that is always a bigger mess than it was to begin with :). I set out to reorganize my craft stuff this weekend. I have an armoir in my dining area, neat and tidy little plastic bins...and oodles of craft stuff.
In my closet that I emptied, was a bunch of memorabilia from "THE AUCTION" that our friends hosted for us in May 2009 to support our adoption. Memorablilia I've been hanging onto, wanting to put into a scrapbook. The bag is was in was torn, stuff spilling out. I set it on the table to figure out what I needed to save, and what I could "purge". I'm big on purging right now.
So, I began to sift through...a scrapbook to put it in, programs, tickets, table decor...all so nice. I read through the program...it contained little excerpts from this blog from our journey to that point. That got me going, the tears flowing. Then...THEN, I started sifting through a stack of papers. My amazing friend, UH-MA-ZING, Nicole, the one who was the visionary behind the auction, handed everything over to me after the auction. All the donation forms, the lists of everyone who bought tickets and spent loads of money at the auction. It all came flooding back to me in a rush of emotions and tears. Here I am, at my messy table, in my sweats, weeping. I am again, overwhelmed by the generosity of total strangers and friends who are like family. They aren't "like" family, they are family. God met all of our needs financially in ONE night. Our friends generosity of time, talent, and money...accumlated to near $12000 that night. Again, I am overwhelmed by what God has already done to bring our family together through adoption.
Today (2/23/2010)
These past few days have been the hardest stretch of "the wait" thus far. My hubby coaches high school basketball (and he's an english/social studies teacher). Once upon a time, I LOVED basketball. I was passionate about, lived and breathed it. I played for several years in middle school/high school. Currently, however, it's no secret that basketball season is not my favorite time of year. It means for our family, that mid-November we part ways, and our normal doesn't come back until mid-February. My hubby and I have a
This year was different. This was our third basketball season. Our first season of basketball/adoption waiting. Without even knowing it, I locked away my emotions about waiting. I knew if I didn't keep it all disconnected, I would crack. I wouldn't be able to keep it together. So...I just haven't really felt much. I just pushed through, and so did Matt. We had to. Basketball officially ended for the Twolves last Wednesday. We had some great company throughout the week, and I had so much fun re-living my Twilight fun with my sister in law, Rachel. It was her first time seeing the movies. (We watched Twilight at home, and saw New Moon in the $3 theatre Saturday night. Twice. LOL!)Sunday they went home, and we headed out for church.
On our way to church, I said outloud, "I'm not really sure why, but I don't really feel like going to church today." No big deal, we went anyway. I sat blankly through the teaching, not really absorbing much. Worship came after that...and I fell apart. I sat there crying, realizing how disconnected I'd become from my feelings over the past two months. Normally, I'm a feeler. I cry over everything. I laugh easily...I feel what those around me feel. It was weird to realize I hadn't been doing that since we got our referral. I realized, I had not let my feelings out, and I that I was afraid I would not be able to keep it together through the rest of our wait if I let it out now. I have been fighting myself, and not allowing the Lord to meet me where I am. I am still afraid of that. Still afraid to let it all out, and let God meet me where I am.
I am tired of waiting for a court date. We've been waiting two months for a court date. I never thought it would take that long, even though I've told myself to not have expectations. I am emotional. I am probably PMSing. I am sure I'm post-basketball season emotional. I'm sure that I'm tired of adoption related waiting. I've cried alot these past 3 days. I'm tired. I want our baby home.
We are really enjoying being back together as a family every night. That is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I like my husband so much. I came back to this post, because I wanted to remember how wonderfully God loves us, and has already provided. It reminds me that there's no way he'd leave this next phase of our story unwritten. I have so much to be thankful for, and it helps me keep trusting him for the rest.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Weird Dreams....
I have a gnarly cold right now. My boys had it and kindly shared. I had the wackiest dream last night, and I'm sorry to say it involved most of you other gals waiting for court dates! I think it was induced by my cold meds and foggy brain, and court date anxiety.
It was short, but in my dream i was calling Christy (adoptive mom with another agency...patiently waiting for little boy referral any day!). Christy and I are the friend you can call and rant and rave about how long and ridiculous the adoption process is. We met by blogging but live near enough to each other to hang out now and then (not enough!).
Anyhow, I was really bummed in my dream, and I called Christy to tell her that mine and everyone else who was waiting for a court date...our referrals fell through. In one day, gladney called all of us to say, "we're so sorry, but it fell through". It was weird. Not a happy dream, and needless to say, I woke up today really wanting a reassuring call with a court date...but it didn't happen. I am praying praying praying it comes this week. I want to go get my girl! I am really not stressed about it, but we are inching closer and closer to missing out on the March travel dates, rolling us over into the first week of April...which happens to be Matt's spring break. You would think that would excite us, but it doesn't. His school district has some wack-a-doodle policies, and for him to get the most time off, we actually would want to go NOT on spring break. Some thing about emergency family leave...if we're required to be in ET by the embassy, then he gets some extra emergency leave. If he already has the time off...he doesn't get it. So...if we go mid-march, he would get to have close to 3 paid weeks off work. If we don't...well, we'll still have a great spring break. We just won't get to have him home much after travel. We know God has it covered...we are getting antsy. We just want her HOME.
It was short, but in my dream i was calling Christy (adoptive mom with another agency...patiently waiting for little boy referral any day!). Christy and I are the friend you can call and rant and rave about how long and ridiculous the adoption process is. We met by blogging but live near enough to each other to hang out now and then (not enough!).
Anyhow, I was really bummed in my dream, and I called Christy to tell her that mine and everyone else who was waiting for a court date...our referrals fell through. In one day, gladney called all of us to say, "we're so sorry, but it fell through". It was weird. Not a happy dream, and needless to say, I woke up today really wanting a reassuring call with a court date...but it didn't happen. I am praying praying praying it comes this week. I want to go get my girl! I am really not stressed about it, but we are inching closer and closer to missing out on the March travel dates, rolling us over into the first week of April...which happens to be Matt's spring break. You would think that would excite us, but it doesn't. His school district has some wack-a-doodle policies, and for him to get the most time off, we actually would want to go NOT on spring break. Some thing about emergency family leave...if we're required to be in ET by the embassy, then he gets some extra emergency leave. If he already has the time off...he doesn't get it. So...if we go mid-march, he would get to have close to 3 paid weeks off work. If we don't...well, we'll still have a great spring break. We just won't get to have him home much after travel. We know God has it covered...we are getting antsy. We just want her HOME.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Ups and Downs
This adoption journey is just full of emotions. Ups, downs, in betweens...sometimes both in one day!
Today is one of those days. Actually, this is one of those weeks. (Coincidence that my "monthly visitor" is here? I think not.)
I was hoping for two things today...An update on the little Miss and an Ethiopian court date. I did get one...an update, and a super sweet one at that.
From an in-country staff member-"This little lady has one of the sweetest dispositions I’ve come across in an infant. Her sweet, wide smile spreads easily across her face when you interact with her. As I was leaving her today, she rolled over on her side, ready for her nap, and her eyes closed. She was all set for sweet dreams. When I patted her on the back to say goodbye, she turned her head slightly my way and smiled her wide gummy smile. Even when she’s nodding off, she still has the grace to be kind!"
Love to hear that!
She is creeping up on her 6 month birthday in a few days. I am so happy that she is happy and healthy and being loved well. But her little monthly birthdays are honestly, REALLY hard for me. I absolutely hate the idea of her getting any older without me (sort of the kind of emotional torment Bella experienced when facing her 18th birthday, realizing she was aging while beautiful perfect Edward, remained 17 forever...ah, Twilight. I digress...) ANYWAY...her birthdays are so hard for me. I want to be with her. I want to be the one she smiles at and generously gives her toothless grins too. I know those grins won't be toothless forever and I want to be there when she gets that first tooth! I want to be there when she sits for the first time. I want to be the receiver of the last smile before she goes to sleep. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer...but I kind of am.
Honestly, I have done really well, so far, with this wait. I was a freak right before our referral. Anxious...phone on at all times. Then,we saw her. We fell in love. And I've been great since. Patient, and peaceful. Trusting God. I still trust Him, completely. But...today, I am weepy and just absolutely missing her. I read the update, and already her personality is coming out. She's growing, changing, and here we sit, with a diapers, clothes, nursery...all waiting for her. I just want her here. I keep hearing this song float around from Steven Curtis Chapman (which, to warn you, in regards to adoption/waiting all of his songs make me weep).
Lyrics-When Love Takes You In
I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream
Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in
And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in
for the youtube video click here
It just makes me ache...because we do already love her. We dream daily about her. God has given us a place for her here. We are changed already. We want her.
I'm a teary mess.
Lord, please, open a court date for us. Pave the way for our sweet girl to be here with us, every day, for years and years to come. I believe that you are bigger than all the full court schedules, needed paperwork and embassy appointments.
Today is one of those days. Actually, this is one of those weeks. (Coincidence that my "monthly visitor" is here? I think not.)
I was hoping for two things today...An update on the little Miss and an Ethiopian court date. I did get one...an update, and a super sweet one at that.
From an in-country staff member-"This little lady has one of the sweetest dispositions I’ve come across in an infant. Her sweet, wide smile spreads easily across her face when you interact with her. As I was leaving her today, she rolled over on her side, ready for her nap, and her eyes closed. She was all set for sweet dreams. When I patted her on the back to say goodbye, she turned her head slightly my way and smiled her wide gummy smile. Even when she’s nodding off, she still has the grace to be kind!"
Love to hear that!
She is creeping up on her 6 month birthday in a few days. I am so happy that she is happy and healthy and being loved well. But her little monthly birthdays are honestly, REALLY hard for me. I absolutely hate the idea of her getting any older without me (sort of the kind of emotional torment Bella experienced when facing her 18th birthday, realizing she was aging while beautiful perfect Edward, remained 17 forever...ah, Twilight. I digress...) ANYWAY...her birthdays are so hard for me. I want to be with her. I want to be the one she smiles at and generously gives her toothless grins too. I know those grins won't be toothless forever and I want to be there when she gets that first tooth! I want to be there when she sits for the first time. I want to be the receiver of the last smile before she goes to sleep. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer...but I kind of am.
Honestly, I have done really well, so far, with this wait. I was a freak right before our referral. Anxious...phone on at all times. Then,we saw her. We fell in love. And I've been great since. Patient, and peaceful. Trusting God. I still trust Him, completely. But...today, I am weepy and just absolutely missing her. I read the update, and already her personality is coming out. She's growing, changing, and here we sit, with a diapers, clothes, nursery...all waiting for her. I just want her here. I keep hearing this song float around from Steven Curtis Chapman (which, to warn you, in regards to adoption/waiting all of his songs make me weep).
Lyrics-When Love Takes You In
I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream
Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in
And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in
for the youtube video click here
It just makes me ache...because we do already love her. We dream daily about her. God has given us a place for her here. We are changed already. We want her.
I'm a teary mess.
Lord, please, open a court date for us. Pave the way for our sweet girl to be here with us, every day, for years and years to come. I believe that you are bigger than all the full court schedules, needed paperwork and embassy appointments.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Keepin' It Real...
It has been a really crazy 2 weeks around here. Some special friends going through hard times, the homestretch of hubby's basketball season, 2 preschool age kids...add it all up and you get one tired mommy. With all of life happening around, I've totally slacked on the homefront duties.
I posted a vent on facebook about my dishes and laundry taking over the house, and my amazing friend Julie emailed me and offered to take my boys for the whole day today, so I could get caught up. I almost cried and took her up on it before she had time to change her mind :). JULIE- You are amazing! Thank you!
BEFORE
AFTER
I am so blessed...thank you, Julie!
I posted a vent on facebook about my dishes and laundry taking over the house, and my amazing friend Julie emailed me and offered to take my boys for the whole day today, so I could get caught up. I almost cried and took her up on it before she had time to change her mind :). JULIE- You are amazing! Thank you!
BEFORE
AFTER
I am so blessed...thank you, Julie!
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