Wednesday, March 17, 2010

It's not all rainbows and sunshine in adoption land

I had a big long pity party post typed up, but I never posted it. Yesterday was a hard day....I am so super happy for all the families getting good news of court dates and travel dates, REALLY, I am. Please don't be offended if you are one of them :) I am usually a glass half full, positive kind of gal. So, sadness and disappointment catch me off guard sometimes. Like this past week. It was a roller coaster last week, thinking we are super close to a court date, then a new Ethiopian policy sending us twice to Ethiopia leading to us looking into our court date more (we hit 12 weeks waiting on Friday), finding out we have not yet been submitted to the court, meaning we'd for sure have to travel twice. Then, that was all postponed, and finding out our file is still waiting for one more document before submission to court. Blah, Blah, Blah. We still wait, that's it in a nutshell. We weren't as close to finding out our court date as we thought we should be after 3 months, BUT...we were reassured that our agency believes we'll make the cutoff of April 9th for only having to travel once.

Several families have gotten great news this week. While I'm thrilled for them ALL, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hugely disappointed to not be one of them. Being the positive thinker I usually am, I really didn't prepare for this kind of disappointment. The kind that hits me in the gut, makes me want to cry and vomit and go to bed and pull covers over my head and hide. I never imagined we'd cross the threshold of 3 months of waiting after our referral, just to hear WHAT the court date is. I had it in my head that we'd be travelling with all the others who got referrals around the time we did. Adoption lesson #542- don't have expectations of timelines :).

Today, is a new day. I'm focusing on the blessings I healthy kids, a warm toasty home with plenty of food to eat and a job for my husband that meets our needs. Lots of friends and family who LOVE us. Today, I'm telling the pit in my gut to go away, and seeking the Lord to fill the hole with hope and peace.

I'am starting to feel like I need to get prepared to travel. I also know me, and I could have it all done in a few days, and then have nothing to keep me occupied while we WAIT. So, I've been thinking of some other projects that could be done around here to keep me busy. Here's my list:

Paint the Laundry Room
Paint my desk
Sew this cute top
Clean the kids closet out and get rid of too small items
Get some bins for Humanitarian Aid items
Get some bins for hand me downs for Lucy (thanks Marie and Michelle!)
start a box for travel items for Matt and I
Make my cousins baby gift

Those are a few to start...should keep me busy, right?

If you are still in the pre-waiting phase of adoption waiting, or waitlist waiting, or paperwork waiting, I promise, it's not all grey and rainy days in adoption. There are many joys along the way, and We have seen God's faithfulness and provision over and over. We expect to see it again here. It's really easy to be discouraged and disappointed and feel like it's never ever going to end. But...we know it will. We know He is faithful.


Robyn said...

As someone who waited just short of 19 weeks for the call of a court date, I understand and I'm so sorry. No amount of "hang in there" made me feel any better, but I promise it will wash away once you hear of a court date. I'm praying it is soon!

Christy. said...

Yup, crying over here!! I am so sorry!!

Sucks for sure!! I'm having a pity party over here...

Mark and Heidi said...

Sending you more hugs, Eryn. You know I know how you feel, and Robyn is right, it will all disappear in the HOPEFULLY VERY NEAR future and be replaced by immense joy. Looking forward to celebrating that day with you and in the mean time...I'm still waiting here with you!

Kaz and Amy said...

So sorry...I think your feelings and emotions are perfectly normal. I'm praying so hard for you and for your court date...Hang in there friend...

Jamey... said...

There are some who disagree with me, but I think that we need to honor ALL the feelings that come with this topsy-turvy world of adoption. Sometimes life is just hard and we need to stop and grieve with each other. Don't let anyone blow sunshine up your butt! :) (sorry...) Let yourself feel sad, you've been dealt some hard truths the last few days. You'll find your positive footing again and we'll all be here ready to cheer you on!
Praying for you until then!

be_a_Mary said...

Oh Eryn! I hear you! our adoption was such a faith journey and we had some hiccups too. it is painful. i am so sorry you've been kicked ... i am so sorry for you (and so many others too) who got this bad news. it just STINKS. :(

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